he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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