If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
