Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
