maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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