The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
