I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
