There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
