i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
