I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Bring me that man meat
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize