Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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