you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
