Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
