I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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