So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize