Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
