is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
