M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
