nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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