Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
