And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
