So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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