I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
