Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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