two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
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just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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