We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
