You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
