Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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