I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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