If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
