Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
