I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
