i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
