I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
