We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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