I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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