I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
