just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
