Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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