Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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