Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
