I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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