man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
