nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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