Please don't use social media to get back at me.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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