just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
