My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
not ubering you a puppy
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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