He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
