how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Randomize
