Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
