I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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