I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
