Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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