Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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