I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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