That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
