chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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