I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
