dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
