Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
too bad you live with your parents still
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
