I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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