i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
