if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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