He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
