So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
