fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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