dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
