It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
your like the ambassador to my penis.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
