Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
