dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
operation have a gay friend backfired
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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