yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I didn't notice because vodka
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
