you guys were way drunker than both of me
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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