i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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