That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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