oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
