WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
