and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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