Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
