Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize