On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
